Alone, I walk the sands of time, The graying clouds, my thoughts of despair and loneliness.
I seek shelter from this storm within myself. Delving deep, retreating from the darkness of pain and suffering.
But the whipping winds of fear still build momentum.
Michelle A. Guerin
I wrote that poem sometime in the late 1970’s. For many years, it’s meaning had haunted me. It haunts me no more.
On the southeasternmost tip of Long Island, lies the idyllic fishing hamlet of Montauk, NY. Quiet and sparsely inhabited during the cold, wind-strifed months of winter, the town’s population swells each summer with the onslaught of tourists, fishermen and those fortunate to have season residence in this quaint seaside village. Many “day” visitors flock to see the historic landmark, the Montauk Lighthouse, commissioned by the “Father of Our Country”, George Washington.
But there is a darker side of Montauk Point that many
are unaware of. Within view of the famous lighthouse
lies a derelict military facility, known as Camp Hero.
A Sage Radar dish sits atop a tall, abandoned building
in the distance. Records show Camp Hero was officially
decommissioned and vacated by the US Air Force in 1969.
It was reopened and operated without the sanction of the
US Government, utilizing a fully verified and documented
subterranean facility beneath the base. And it is here,
many believe, the Montauk Project was able to carry on
it’s covert operations.
What Is The Montauk Project?
According to Preston Nichols and Peter Moon, authors of “The Montauk Project: Experiments In Time“, the Montauk Project “was a development and culmination of the phenomena encountered aboard the USS Eldridge in 1943.” This is popularly known as the Philadelphia Experiment, a series of experiments conducted by by the U.S. Navy involving radar invisibility.
“According to these accounts,” states Peter Moon, “over
three decades of secret research and applied technology
ensued. Experiments were conducted that included
electronic mind surveillance and the control of distinct
populations. The climax of this work was reached at
Montauk Point in 1983. It was at this point that the
Montauk Project effectively ripped open a hole in
space-time to 1943.”
Allegations have been made of ongoing research and
experimentation into psychotronics, electromagnetic
mind control and the manipulation of space and time
to allow for the successful transport of matter and
energy into other dimensions through “portals” or time
warps. These projects are reportedly being carried out by
the combined efforts of clandestine units of the CIA, NSA,
DARPA and other government agencies, military intelligence
and corporations with strong defense-related ties.
A particle accelerator is claimed to be used for powering
particle beam weapons and radar systems, as well as HAARP-
like transmissions of high-powered radio frequencies into
the ionosphere. There is purported evidence of additional
particle accelerators at nearby locations. Brookhaven
National Labs, a research facility on Plum Island, and a
military facility at West Hampton Beach, have been
mentioned as possible sites.
The Human Factor
I have attempted to chronicle the numerous incidents, and
subsequent research and investigations, that indicate my
apparent personal involvement with the Montauk Project.
The investigation is far from complete…for it appears
the deeper we go, the more we unearth. I have determined
it is more important to alert others of the REALITY of the
Montauk Project and, in doing so, garner the assistance
necessary to pursue the truth. While some details may seem
innocuous, I include them in the event future verification
The Sands Of Time
It was mid-September, 1994. It had been almost 25 years
since I had visited Montauk, NY. As I stepped off the
train, I wondered still, why I felt the need to go there.
I was trying to come to terms with and reach some
understanding of my apparent involvement with alien
abductions. I was seeing Dr.Maurice Kouguell, PhD., a
clinical psychologist specializing in hypnotherapy, to
assist me in overcoming anxiety caused by these
At Montauk, the busy summer season had ended, and I looked
forward to relaxing, doing some reading on the subject of
alien abductions, and with any luck, finding some answers.
I spent 4 days at Montauk. With each passing day, I got
more and more depressed. I did not venture any further
than a few blocks in either direction of my hotel. I
couldn’t wait to leave and returned home on Friday.
The next night, after falling asleep around midnight, I
was abruptly awakened by the violent vibrating of my bed
and my body. It felt as though I was hit by an earthquake.
However, I suddenly sensed I was not alone. I was unable
to see anything. I don’t know if my eyes were open or not,
but I could feel my body being pulled from the bed. I still
remember how the sheet felt as my body was pulled across it.
I tried to scream “Oh God”, but it came out as a whisper.
I screamed in my head,”No…I’m still awake”. By this
time, my hips were at the edge of the bed. I turned and
tried to grab for the headboard, to drag myself back. That
was the last thing I remembered before losing consciousness.
The next morning I remembered none of this. Later that
evening, while talking to a friend on the phone, it suddenly
came flooding back to me. I quickly finished the conversation,
too upset to talk, and changed for bed. That’s when I first
noticed the 2 puncture marks on my left thigh. They were
about 2 inches apart…midway between my knee and the top
of my thigh.
I was determined to have a record of this latest physical
manifestation of my experiences. At the time, I worked for
Dr.D, an internist. I asked him to please look at these marks
and to tell me if they were indeed puncture marks. He examined
them and stated that they “appeared to be puncture marks”, but
they were “too symmetrical” and “how could I get them and not
know how it happened?”
I decided it was time to tell him how it happened. After hearing
my story, he recommended I see a psychiatrist. I made an
appointment with a local doctor. I spent close to an hour
telling Dr.S of my experiences. When I was finished, he advised
me that he did not believe in the possibility that life existed
elsewhere in the universe. I said that he was going to tell me
I was suffering from night terrors and sleep paralysis. He
concurred with that diagnosis. I asked him how it was possible
to have puncture marks associated with this diagnosis. He had
no answer. I then asked him if I was neurotic, psychotic or
suffering from delusions. He said no. I stated, “Well maybe,
just maybe, I am telling you the truth”. Before I left his
office, I told him at this point the best we could say, is that
we had agreed to disagree. And I hoped we could have this
conversation again 10 years from now. I eventually saw
Dr.Kouguell concerning this episode. The puncture marks were
still visible and I showed them to him.
Prior to this experience, I had related to Dr. Kouguell partial
accounts of my encounters with a species I referred to as “the
nasty ones”. Even after regression, I was unable to get a clear
image in my mind of their appearance. All I could draw was a
picture that resembled a “fat plant leaf “. I also had a strange
response to a silhouette image, and subsequent flash image, of
an alien depicted in an episode of the “X-Files”. I was
terrified. The image was of a large, muscular being with
pronounced, pointed ears.
While attending a UFO conference in New Jersey in March of 1995,
I arrived late to a lecture and slide show being presented by
Leah Haley. The slide show was already in progress when I took
my seat. After just a few minutes, an image appeared on the
screen which caused me to panic and become so anxious, I had
to leave the room. The image she had drawn was of a reptilian
being she had encountered during an abduction. It showed the same
pointy ears I had seen on the “X-Files” episode. Later, I was to
realize this is what I had drawn for Dr. Kouguell. The image of
the “fat plant leaf ” was the distinct shape of the alien’s ears.
I had started to hear about a covert operation called the Montauk
Project. I became very interested in learning more about it since
I lived so close to Montauk. I read the 3 books written by Preston
Nichols and had very uneasy feelings about this story. Why was I
drawn to this place? Why did I feel the need to learn everything
I could? In one of the books is a picture of Duncan Cameron.
The face was so familiar to me…I knew I had had a conversation
with him at some time..and then realized it had been telepathic!
But I could not remember what the conversation had been about,
nor when it had occurred.
Louise, a friend, and I were planning to attend a UFO conference
in CT in October,1995. I suggested that since she was driving up
to NY to pick me up for the conference, why not come a few days
early and we would explore at Montauk. She immediately agreed.
Upon arriving in Montauk, we checked in to our hotel room, and set
off for Camp Hero. We tried different entrance points but all
had security gates and signs posted stating no trespassing. We
finally found access on a side road just before the Lighthouse.
It was an area just south of the base, on the beach. The road
we walked on ended at a parking area on a cliff overlooking the
ocean. The radar dish was visible from this point, but was too
far to hike to.
Louise felt very sick and uneasy there. For some reason, I was
drawn to the cliff. I stood out there by the edge, just looking
out over the beach and the ocean for about 10 minutes. I felt
so drawn to this spot…why?…what possible reason could there
be? I had never been there before. Why did I feel rooted to
the spot? It was getting late and Louise and I wanted to try
one more road before we called it a day.
Driving back toward the town, we turned in at Old Montauk Highway. According to the map we had, this road should go into Camp Hero. There was also notations on the map of areas where someone had “felt a void” and very ominous feelings.
While driving down the road, Louise and I both felt this “void”.
It was one of the strangest feelings I’ve ever felt. The only way
I can describe it is the absence of feeling life, as if nothing
lived in this space. I wish I could be more specific. Once past
this void, the terrible, ominous feeling hit us very strongly.
The road ended abruptly at a dead end. Louise wanted to go back
to the hotel, but I insisted that I knew we were close to the
radar dish and wanted to check around just a little.
I climbed over a pile of wood chips and went through some small
brush. About a hundred feet into the brush the asphalt road
continued. I followed it to a clearing and there it was, right
in front of me…the radar dish. I went back to the car,where
Louise was waiting and grabbed the video camera. I returned the
same way, taping as I went along. After shooting the radar dish,
I suddenly got an eerie feeling that I was being watched.
The feeling was very strong and very frightening. I wanted to run
back to the car, but I was afraid I would fall. I left as quickly
as I could. Louise and I returned to the hotel.
We went to bed about midnight but I stayed up until approximately
1:30am reading. Sometime between 3:00 – 3:30am both of us were
awakened by a loud noise. The smoke detector in our hotel room
was going off and neither of us could reach it in order to turn it
off. We finally contacted a hotel employee who advised us that
the smoke detector was not run off a battery…it was connected
directly to the room’s electrical system. In order to shut it
down, we should go to the fuse box located on the side of the
closet wall and throw the switches until we found the one connected
to it. We tried all of the switches to no avail. Even throwing
the main switch, which cut power off to the entire room, did not
shut down the smoke detector. A maintenance employee of the hotel
came to our room and tried shutting down the electricity…the
detector still continued. He finally had to pull the smoke
detector from the wall and cut the wires in order to turn it off.
The next day, we agreed that neither of us wanted to return to
the base. We were both too frightened.
A couple of weeks later, I was scheduled to attend a UFO conference
in Mobile AL. I went down a few days early to get away by myself
a little. It was during this time that the flashbacks started.
First, the face of the reptilian, close to mine, accompanied by
a rasping sound. I knew the reptilian image was during my… rape?
But when? where? I didn’t have the answers. Then I saw an image
of travelling in a military jeep, through tall grass and sand,
over hills, soldiers wearing fatigues (brown/tan/black) and black
berets. I had also recalled a memory of being submerged in some
type of fluid…heavier than water. I kept hearing muffled sounds
of people talking and remembered yelling, “I can’t hear you.”
These flashbacks continued to haunt me, but I couldn’t remember
any other details. It was during the period after my return from
Mobile that I remembered a strange experience in Montauk in 1970.
When questioned about periods of “missing time”, I had always
stated that I didn’t have any. But I suddenly remembered that I
had! For whatever reason, I had no recall of it until this time.
During a visit to my aunt and uncle’s campsite at Ditch Plains in
Montauk, I was missing for 2-3 hours and my uncle remembered it!
My recollection of the early part of that day had always been
very clear. My memory of the later part of the day had always
been vague and blurry.
I had an appointment with Dr.Kouguell that week and determined I
should regress to that day in 1970 to see what really happened.
I told Dr.Kouguell that I felt he should put me under as deeply
as he could…he agreed.
The following text is my recollections while under hypnosis: 11/9/95 Session
We are driving in the car, on our way to Montauk. I’m sitting in the front seat with my mom. My brothers and sister are in the back seat. Daddy’s at work. Mom is so happy we’re going to Montauk. Uncle B is her half-brother…they just met a couple of years ago, at the funeral of her natural father.
We arrive at Ditch Plains, the campsite they stay at in Montauk.
I hang around for a little while, talking with everyone, then decide
to change into my bathing suit (a two-piece) but put my cutoffs on
over my bathing suit bottom. This is so boring. I’m going to look
around the campsite
I walk towards the east a little way and after awhile I pass by a
group of surfers camping there. One of them looks familiar…it’s M!
F’s older brother! I stop to say hello. M asks me if I’ve seen F
yet, I tell him no. He says F is surfing right now, so I decide
to walk down to the water and look for him. I sit on the sand at
the shoreline, watching 5-6 surfers. Finally, I spot F. He is so
beautiful! When he heads in from the water, I get up and start
walking in his direction. I hope he notices me. As I get closer,
he does. He calls out my name and waves. I walk over and we kiss
hello. He asks what I’m doing in Montauk and I tell him. He asks
if I’d like to take a walk in about an hour. He’s got some things
he has to do back at the campsite, can I meet him there?
This hour is going so slow. I’m at the campsite with F and we
start walking towards the east. We walk a little less than a mile.
There’s a cliff up ahead and we walk into the dunes to find a quiet
spot. There’s tall dune grass behind us. F’s got a towel, so we
sit down on that and start making-out. We end up laying down next
to each other. He kisses so good.
Suddenly, I hear a loud buzzing sound, like alot of bees. I sit up
and so does F. What is this? Something’s not right! I look at F
and he can hear it too. We lay down on our backs, still next to each
other. Why am I doing this? We should run away! I try to yell to F
that we should get out of there. But I can’t talk…I can’t move!
I’m so scared…I want my mother!
It sounds like a car is coming…the sound gets closer, then stops.
The buzzing is louder now. Even though I’m scared, my body acts
like it’s not. A man wearing a soldier uniform is looking down at
me, standing on my left. On the right, is another soldier, he
kicks F’s leg. “He’s out of it” he says. “Mike, you take him to
the jeep” says the leader on my left. “Ok, Terry”, says the guy on
my right. There are 2 other guys with them, but I don’t know their
names. Terry is very tan, with dark hair and dark glasses. The
others seem to be more fair. Mike and another guy pick up F and
Mike carries him like the firemen do. Terry doesn’t pick me up
someone else does.
We’re in the back seat of a jeep, traveling north, through the
dunes and tall grass. There’s a big hill up ahead. This is
so weird! The hill is moving…just part of it. It looks like
a door in the hill. It moves forward and then to my right. We
drive in. There is another jeep parked on my left. Two other
men in the same uniform with the black beret are inside. They all
have rifles! I still can’t talk, but my body does what they want.
I’m helped from the jeep. F is between 2 guys and they are helping
him walk. Terry and someone take me between them and I can walk,
too. This place looks like a garage or something. We go through
a door. It’s bright in this hallway. We turn right. F is just
ahead of me. At the next hallway, F keeps going straight with
2 guys, but we turn to the right and walk a few feet to an elevator
door. Terry has a credit card and puts it in a slot next to the
door. The slot is vertical and there are 2 lights above it…one
red, one green.
The door opens and we go inside,but there are no buttons to push.
We’re going down, then door opens and it’s much darker here.
And it smells funny…like a basement with a cesspool overflow
problem. We turn right and go a few feet…then turn left.
I’m so cold! There’s a door on my left, Terry opens it.
This room is so dark I can hardly see. There’s almost no
furniture in it. There’s something that looks like a padded table.
They help me on it and lay me down. Now I’m really cold. One
guy says, “Do we just leave her here?”, and Terry answers, “she’s
not going anywhere”. They leave the room. I can’t seem to move
anything but my eyes. Why am I here? I don’t like this. Over
to my left, something moves. It’s coming closer…I can see it
OH MY GOD! It’s a monster!
(Note: At this point I got so agitated and almost jumped from the recliner in Dr. K’s office. My eyes flew open and I couldn’t stop shaking and cringing. Dr.K calmed me down and I could continue.)
What I see is a creature about 6-7 ft tall. His ears are large and
pointed at the top. His eyes are bright yellow-gold and seem to
glow. He has pointy teeth and a large wrinkle on his forehead and
he has a TAIL! He’s coming towards me…I have never been so scared
in my life. He comes to the foot of the table. He pulls off my
shorts and bathing suit bottom…he pushes my legs open and pulls me
down towards him. His face is so close to mine…I want to scream,
but it’s only in my head. I hear a raspy sound coming from him.
He puts something inside me and I feel like I’m being ripped apart.
He likes to see how terrified I am…it gives him alot of pleasure.
It hurts so much. I have to get away in my head to someplace safe.
I don’t know how long he does this, but when he is done, he goes
back to the part of the room I first saw him in and then he is
suddenly gone. The door never opens or anything. I don’t know
how long I lay here. Terry and another guy come through the door
and dress me. They help me from the table and we leave the room.
After I am brought back up the elevator, I am taken into another
well-lit room. It reminds me of a doctor’s examining room…except
there are machines I don’t recognize with lights and dials recessed
in the wall above a counter area. There is a lot of stainless steel
equipment. And a table covered in white. I am placed on that
table and strapped down…including my head. I am terrified.
I am left alone for what is probably just a few minutes…but it
seems like hours.
A group of 5 -6 people come in the room. They are wearing white gowns and masks and hats that covered their heads. They are male, but I see at least one female. They are very busy. I don’t know why.
My head is turned on it’s side and taped to the table. I know
this sounds strange, but a small portion of the area above and
behind my right ear is shaved. My ear is pulled toward the front
of my face and taped to it! Although I am immobilized and can’t
talk I am completely conscious!
Someone is writing something on the skin behind my ear.
I remember someone is saying something about an “IV”. And a man
says, “Do you think she need’s it?” Someone else says, “I wouldn’t
want to take a chance that she might wake up and start moving around”.
A few minutes later I feel a prick in my arm.
That’s all I remember until I regained consciousness back on the dunes with F.
*Note: About 10 years ago, I developed what was thought to be
an inflamed cyst behind my right ear. The doctor had to lance
it to drain and remove it. As he broke the skin with the scalpel,
something shot out. He examined it and said he had never seen
anything like it. He said it was the size and shape of a bullet.
He had to pack the hole it left with medicated gauze.
The shock of what was revealed during hypnotic regression left me dazed and distraught. Was I losing my mind? How was something like this possible? Could I have fabricated such a detailed account while under hypnosis? These and many other troubling questions crowded my thoughts for days after the session.
A chance conversation with the relatives I had been
visiting at Montauk that fateful day , left me even more
unnerved. As I described the “door in the hill” I had
viewed near a cliff, my cousin stated she had come upon an
area very similar to what I depicted, while walking near
the Lighthouse one afternoon. I knew then, with complete
certainty, that I needed to find the “door in the hill” in
order to provide myself with validation of this experience.
I returned to Montauk on Sunday, December 17, 1995 with my
friend Bill, an investigator for MUFON, and his wife. Bill
understood my intense need to find “the door in the hill” in
order to come to grips with my memories of that fateful day
25 years ago. When we arrived at Montauk, we first went down
Old Montauk Highway…the road Louise and I took at the end
of our “tour”. Bill asked me to let them know when I felt
we were entering the “void”. I felt it much stronger than I
did the first time. I let him know when it ended and the
ominous feeling began. At the end of the road, the wood
chip pile visible on our last visit had been cleared away
and the road opened again. It looked like an area of brush
and trees had been cleared completely…very strange. I
could not make myself get out of the car, my fear was that
As we started back on the road in the direction from which
we came, a police car drove past us. This seemed quite
unusual as this road is isolated with no thru traffic. Had
our arrival caused concern? Before we reached the “void”
on our return trip, I suggested that Bill use the
electromagnetic field detector he had brought to see if we
got any readings. He gave it to me and asked that I let
them know when I “felt” we were entering the void. I told
them I felt it starting…a few seconds later, the light
on the device went from green to amber. I said it was
getting very strong…again maybe 3 seconds passed and the
light went from amber to red. Then the device went crazy….
flashing like a pinball machine! As we started to exit the
void, I continued to give my “readings”, confirmed by the
device a few seconds later.
We drove to the main highway and pulled off in the rest area.
The three of us were almost too shocked to speak. Bill
confided that he had been very skeptical of my ability to
“feel” this void when we started this trip. He was now
completely convinced. We proceeded to the lighthouse and
parked the car.
As we walked down a rocky path to the beach, we noticed a
crude handwritten sign advising that an erosion control
project was ongoing in that area. Recently placed boulders
and cement slabs were evident. At this point, my “feelings”
were at the most intense level I had ever felt. There was
something about the placement of these of these boulders and
slabs that wasn’t “right”. I was drawn to a point above the
beach…a cliff jutting out over the sand.
We left the beach and walked up a hill towards the parking
area Louise and I walked to our last visit. The whole time
we were on the beach, I had the feeling we were being watched
and I mentioned this to Bill. Just before we reached the
parking area, I observed a man crouching in the brush on the
top of a hill and I pointed him out to Bill. The man stood
up and stared at us. Bill took out his camera and took his
picture. The man crouched down again and eventually was
lost from view. We did not encounter him again.
Only a few hundred feet from the hill was the parking area
on the cliff. Looking to the west northwest, was Camp Hero.
This was the vicinity my cousin stated seeing a door, similar
to the one I had described. I looked around and saw what
appeared to be a partial view of a stone and mortar wall.
This had to be the door! I felt something about it, but I
was confused…it just didn’t seem right somehow. I
remembered the hill being much higher and more pronounced.
I started to wander away from Bill and his wife…going back
toward the lighthouse. I was walking on the opposite side of
the hill where we had spotted the man…closer to the ocean
and the cliff.
I stopped every few yards and looked out over the ocean and
tried to compare the image with what I had recalled. My
feelings of helplessness and terror were very intense at
this point. I continued to walk further back towards the
lighthouse. Suddenly, I was standing in front of it…
THE DOOR…exactly as I had remembered it! I shouted for
Bill and his wife. They came and seemed stunned by what
they saw. I started to cry, and everything I had bottled
up for so long came out. It was such a relief. I now
knew, with complete certainty, that my experience had been
real. I was not losing my mind or imagining things.
Next to the door was a small opening that lead to a short
tunnel. The end of the tunnel had been cemented over. On
the ground, in front of the door, was a concrete circle,
divided into equal parts including an equal section in
the center of the circle. It was approximately 8-10 feet
in diameter. There was a red fire hydrant next to it.
Anchored from a utility pole on the other side of the
hill, and almost completely outlining the circumference
of the hill, stretched a thick, black electrical wire.
This wire ended abruptly, tied to a bush. Looking over
the cliff, wires running from inside the cliff, hung down
about 10 feet and then snaked back inside the cliff.
There were remnants of a structure or building at the top
of the hill, above the door. Photographs were taken of
the entire area from different angles.
As we departed the area, I spotted from the road, a section
that seemed devoid of any trees or brush. While Bill waited
on the road, while I climbed down into the thick brush, to
investigate. Finally breaking clear, I found a large, circular
area of what appeared to be dead, crushed grass, interspersed
with taller clumps that looked as if they had been chopped
or cut down. The trees that bordered this area also appeared
dead. Hidden in a thicket of bushes, just to the west of
the circle, was a group of large boulders, similar to those
evident on the beach. The arrangement of the boulders
immediately brought an image of “table and chairs” to my
mind. Several trees next to the boulders had been uprooted
completely. It was apparent that these boulders were not
a natural formation, and had somehow been placed in this
location. But how? and more important, why?
Recently, I was able to view video tapes filmed by Preston
Nichols, of the underground facilities at Montauk prior
to them being sealed. They contained footage that he did
NOT include on the videos produced for sale to the public.
One of the cassettes contained footage of the bunker I
brought into, what I have come to call my “door in the hill”.
I sat, as if in a trance, and viewed the familiar images
on the screen…the large entrance area behind “the door”…
the “bright hallway” (white) beyond the entrance area…small
rooms located off the hallway. Although I remembered the
hallway being longer, and a small alcove where an elevator
had been located, it was possible that a wall had been
constructed at what appeared to be the dead end. I had
already confirmed the existence of an elevator in this
location with a retired military intelligence officer
familiar with Camp Hero’s underground facilities during
the period 1954-58.
Here was further validation of my account! I should have been elated. Instead, I found myself sitting there quietly, a knot in my stomach, saying to myself, “My God…it is REAL!” It doesn’t seem to matter how much validation I receive… I don’t want to believe what I know to be true.
Also while viewing these video tapes, I had a conscious recall of being contained in an isolation tank. This flashback included seeing a “face” of a person (human) familiar to me, and a telepathic conversation meant to calm and soothe me. During the conversation, he referred to me as “little one”.
I met with Dr. Kouguell a few days later to explore this
memory through hypnotic regression. From the moment he asked
during the session if I was sure I wanted to look at this
memory, a battle was waged in my mind. He asked me to
indicate “yes” by slightly moving my right index finger.
And try as hard as I could, I could not move it. Then he
asked me to indicate “no” by slightly moving my right middle
finger. It took all my power to hold it in place. I finally
moved my right index finger ever so slightly. I had never
had this experience while under hypnosis before.
I recalled being in a dark place…being afraid…floating
in something that felt slightly heavier than water…feeling
warm….and smelling peppermint or spearmint. He took me to
a point before being in that place. I was laying naked on a
table and had alot of wires attached to me, all over my body
and my head. I saw “that doctor” in a white lab coat
standing next to me. Then he took me to a point before I
was there. I was home in my room (different home than now).
I woke up and 2 men dressed in black clothes were in my room.
I couldn’t see anything of what they looked like. I asked
where Joe and David were (my roommates). I was told they
were sleeping. I was then given an injection and felt very
sleepy. I was wrapped in a blanket and carried out the back
door to a dark van (blue?). I was placed on the floor in the
rear of the van and someone sat near me. The next thing I
remember is feeling as if I were on a roller coaster. I
don’t know where I was taken or how long it took to get there.
Suddenly, I was standing naked in front of a metal door,
struggling with a soldier holding a rifle, while “that doctor”
told me I “had to do this”. I was sobbing , pleading with
him not to “make me go back in there”.
I couldn’t continue with the session and Dr. Kouguell brought
me back. I told him, as much as I wanted to remember what
happened, I knew I wasn’t ready yet to face it. Eventually,
I knew I would have to.
An agonizing dilemma ensued. Conscious of my need to find
the truth of my involvement, could I actually be unable to face
it? What if my reluctance to explore this memory was being
controlled by outside influences? And the battle continued to
rage in my mind. Finally, I made the decision to continue…
I had come too far to turn back now. I would face the truth
and rely on my strength of conviction to overcome any obstacles.
Before we began the next regression, I related my observations
on possible “blocks” of this memory to Dr.K. I suggested a
deep-level trance might be needed to retrieve them.While under
hypnosis, I started to “relive” this experience…
I am, once again, in a black enclosed area….struggling,
afraid of drowning. Why do I have to be in this place? It
scares me so much…I want to get out! I calm myself enough
to float. The liquid feels heavier than water. It’s warm and
I smell something “minty”. I can feel wires attached to me as
I move my arms and legs slightly…on my chest and head, too.
I stretch out my arms, trying to feel the walls that enclose me.
On my right, my fingers trace the smooth surface, travelling
upwards in an ‘arc’ above me. Floating…gentle motion…
blackness all around…are my eyes open?….or are they closed?…
is this ‘blackness’ I see only in my mind?
I can see movement…forms and shadows. Blackness lightens
to dark gray. My friend is here and says, “Don’t be afraid,
little one. I will help you…guide you…take my hand”.
Dark gray now turning to blue, like the sky…white clouds.
It feels like I’m flying. I can see a beautiful, lush hilltop,
overlooking tranquil blue water. A large white building
(a house?) with tall pillars and steps sits on top of the hill.
A dirt road is nearby, and I can see a man, dressed in a
short tunic, struggles to move a wooden cart. Scenes flashing…
bright swirl of colors..orange, red, deep purple and shades of
brown and tan.
I see a rocky, mountainous area…dry like the desert, dusty.
There are deep canyons…high cliffs. Scenes flashing….
diving through the white foam of a dark blue wave. I am
underwater, among the sea creatures. But it’s light and I
can see beautiful colors. There is a dark entrance to what
looks like a cave among the hills and rocks. Scenes
flashing…a desolate place…not a nice feeling…barren…
lonely…cold…a place out of time. Time is not what we
think. Each moment is happening now…on an endless ‘loop’.
We can enter the loops at many points…but should take
care not to disrupt the loops. Past, present and future are
After the session, I discussed what I had retrieved with
Dr. Kouguell. Although, I was filled with wonder and awe
at what I had experienced, unable to be sure if it had
happened in the past or present, I still felt I had not
been given a “choice” about participating. Dr. K. mentioned
the fact that I had willingly “taken” my friend’s hand…
wasn’t that making a choice?
I explained my feelings using the following analogy….
If someone was dangling me by my feet off the 13th story of a building, threatening to drop me, and along comes a man on a flying carpet, offering to save me…is that REALLY a choice? Or am I being coerced to follow a certain direction? After some discussion, I came to the understanding that I now have a choice. I’m able to jump from that “13 story building”. I know I will not fall !
Alone, I walk the sands of time, The graying clouds, my thoughts of despair and loneliness.